If you’ve been following the GirlTribe journey for a while now, then you know Jak and I both have really BIG marriage stories. Big, big. Those types of marriages that almost end up in divorce a couple of times before they start to get “better”. I’m literally sitting here in the coffee shop thinking to myself, how do I even explain our marriages? They’ve been that BIG.
My marriage, specifically, has forced me to show up and grow as a woman time and time again. It’s allowed me space to make mistakes, and space to choose again. It’s these graces that granted me the wisdom of who I want to be as a wife, a woman, and a mother. My marriage was the single most influential thing of my 20’s. That’s big, right? I think so.
Okay. So, one of the things that I’ve really had to work on in my relationship over the last ten years, is learning how to believe in myself. With this has come giving myself permission to speak up. Giving myself permission to spend money. And giving myself permission to f*cking go for it without the approval of a man.
(Full disclosure: even those words still make me cower a little bit. I still have shrapnels of doubt lingering in my knowing.)
I have a very supportive husband, don’t get me wrong, but that doesn’t mean he’s always believed in me. It doesn’t mean he always understands my perspective or agrees with my vision. It surely doesn’t mean he backs every business I’ve started or trusted every financial decision I’ve ever made. In fact, there have been LOTS of the aforementioned that he doesn’t even know about.
Because sometimes the trust we have in ourselves must come before the belief of others.
Yes, even when “others” is the love of your life. Because you and your purpose are more important than any relationship, and if you can’t give yourself total permission to chase your dreams, than you will be stuck in agony wishing and hoping you were free for the rest of your life.
Trust me. I’ve been there. Feeling trapped under restraints, too afraid to speak up. Living half assed because I was too afraid to ask. Not giving myself any authority to live the life I so desired, the life I knew I was worthy of having.
But the longer I stayed in hiding...the more resentful I became.
The longer I denied myself fulfillment...the further I wanted to run.
I couldn’t always find the words to ask, but the deeper I dug, the greater encouragement I found deep in my soul to do it anyways. To trust the signs and walk my path. To have faith that I was doing the right thing, even when my husband wasn’t standing behind me.
This is a hard place to stand - in the face of your lover feeling vulnerable and not understood. It’s easier to cave under logic and to cower in the face of doubt, than it is to stand up and be brave knowing that true love would never deny you the chance to try.
I get that. I was there. Standing in the face of a man so rooted in his beliefs that I couldn’t make him believe in mine.
But here’s the thing.
Your beliefs don’t need to be his beliefs. He doesn’t need to see the world the same way you do. He doesn’t need to support your vision. He doesn’t even need to SEE it. He just needs to love you anyways.
And I can hear you saying, “But he’s my hussssband. My husband!” And I hear that loud and clear, sister. Your husband is, likely, the most important person in your life (aside from maybe your sister from another mister and your babies). He deserves an equal voice in your relationship, undoubtedly. But he does not get the final say when it comes to your purpose. He does not get to tell you that you’re not worthy, or capable, or smart enough. And above all, he doesn’t have to believe in you in order for you to be successful.
You will make that happen all on your own.
Because you, without permission, are the woman waiting to thrive. The woman wanting to be seen. The woman needing to be heard. The woman ready to rise.
And we are your sisters on the same path. Fighting the same wars. Digging for the very same bravery day-after-day. It’s not the easy choice, following your purpose, but it’s the only choice.
[ JOURNAL IT OUT ]
What is something you’ve always wanted to do, but you haven’t because you’re too afraid to stand up to your man? What’s something you long for that your husband disagrees with? What’s the worst thing that could happen if you went for it without his permission? What’s preventing you from asking?
You are The One.
He is your person, but you are The One.
Give yourself permission to Be.
Need a permission slip? Write it yourself. Wanna know how? I got you. Click here to apply for Boss Up to Bliss Out and work 2:1 with Jak and I to take your biz to the next level.
All love and eternal gratitude for everything you are becoming,